Living with and Overcoming Postpartum Depression (PPD) - Diary of a First Time Mom

http://facebook.com/jenncofit I wanted to share my experiences with postpartum depression after giving birth to twin boys last spring. The twins are almost a year old now, which is how long it took for me to feel comfortable posting this video, but I just felt like it was important to share my story with other moms out there who may be going through something similar and aren't sure if they have PPD. Or for moms who have been through PPD and want to share stories and encouragement.

After trying to conceive (TTC) for almost a year, my husband and I were thrilled when we found out we were pregnant. The fact that we were having twins was a complete surprise, but we were excited. I exercised and ate fairly well throughout my pregnancy and experienced no real complications. So we were equally surprised when my water broke almost 2 months before the twins were due. After a crazy delivery day and a vaginal delivery, we were left with two tiny, mostly-healthy premature baby boys. Jake and Declan had to stay in the NICU for about 4 weeks, and my husband and I handled it like champs. We were positive and upbeat... although we did turn to food and alcohol for comfort in the evenings since we were home without babies. So we began to gain weight (or in my case, maintain weight!).

After the boys came home, I sunk into a depression. I wasn't sure what was going on because I have always been such a positive person in my adult life. My biggest misconception about postpartum depression was that you had to hate your baby or want to harm your baby. I loved the boys and never had those thoughts. I never considered killing myself, but I did daydream about getting in a car accident (alone) and dying. I hated myself and hated my life, and I got to a point where I thought things would be better without me. This was not normal - obviously - so I finally contacted my friend who told me she had PPD after her daughter's birth. She described what she felt back then, and it was almost identical to how I felt.

Usually exercise makes me feel better physically, emotionally and mentally. But even exercise was hard for me because I was comparing myself to my pre-pregnancy strength and stamina, and my workouts just weren't up to par by my standards. I felt defeated and devastated that I couldn't do push-ups anymore, that I could hardly keep up with my cardio workout DVDs, that I couldn't stop eating so much unhealthy food.

Logically, I knew everything was FINE and that it was all going to be OK. I'd workout and diet and get my body, my strength and stamina back. I'd be sleepy for a while, but that was motherhood, right? Logically, I should be happy. Or at the very least, ok. But logic wouldn't work. I still felt miserable and depressed.

I finally went to the doctor and was prescribed an anti-depressant (Zoloft). I take the generic form, though. The pills definitely helped balance me out and control the hormones that we turning me into a lunatic. Haha. Since starting the medicine, I have felt like ME again. Not happy. Not depressed. Just me. That's what good anti-depressants do. They level the playing field so you can just be you and not feel out of control and sad all the time.

I have a full-time job, a part-time job (both in fitness!) and a family to take care of... and I am proud of how I am handling it all. I still have my down days, definitely! But now I am able to step back from them and pull myself back into a positive state of mind.

If you think you might have PPD, please talk to your doctor. You won't regret it. And if you want to connect with me, friend me on Facebook (http://facebook.com/jenncofit) or email me (jenncofit@gmail.com). I'm not a counselor or doctor, but I can certainly be a friend.
http://www.abs4mom.com/2012/04/16/living-with-and-overcoming-postpartum-depression-ppd-diary-of-a-first-time-mom/
#PostpartumDiet
ABS For mom